3.06.2003

||:: could it possibly be? ::||

I know that a blog is a good thing to have, but it's one of those things that if you don't update everyday or on a regular basis then you completely forget about it. Or maybe it's just me and my total lack for any sort of schedule and rituals. Take my gym membership for instance. I have one. I've only been to the gym once.

To get the membership.

Oh well, atleast my company covers the cost for it...at the end of the year. Not too much money lost. And the worst thing is that I have my gym stuff here, in one of the bottom drawers...but I've only opened that drawer once.

To put the stuff in there in the first place.

Anyone else seeing a pattern forming?

As for updating this thing, I might start doing that more often, but it's just easier to write on the trains heading home after work. Although I did start reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Hmmm...again I haven't really gotten into it but then again, this past week has been a bit of a strange week. One of my good friends got his papers and he's being deployed tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m. It's hard to watch his girlfriend, Jessica. She took the week off from work to be with him and last night at his going away party, she was fighting back the tears, and did a fantastic job, but it was so hard to watch her. Jack'm is a great guy. Funny and laughing and hanging out with his friends. She's stealing small moments with him whenever she could and to just watch it was more than I could take. He's been training and preparing for this moment for the past few years. She's just been thrown into the mix. No matter how much you prepare yourself, there's no way to really be okay. My turn is coming up quickly. I have a feeling that Bob will get his orders this weekend when he is at drill. If last night was any indication, I'm going to be a complete wreck when I find out that he's leaving...and he's just a very, very good friend of mine. Thankfully Matt will be there for me.

Ahh so much to post and yet, no desire. I'm heading home. Dinner with the boy and then whatever else will present itself to me.

Oh yeah before I go, just a few things:
1. Jason Mraz. If you haven't checked him out...do so. You'll hear about him soon enough. And if you were eating at the Rock Bottom in the Ballston Mall last night, then you definitely heard his single, The Remedy being played. I had to do a double take, stop and sing along...while standing on the sidewalk. :)

2. people getting married? elem? married? wow. some things are so right that you can't help but to smile when you hear them.

3. Pete Schmidt. Well if you are gonna check out Jason, you might as well check out Pete as well. Some of the best music I've heard recently. Yeah gotta go see these two guys live...

4. Gorge Dates. yep they are announced. I did a bit of planning - imagine that - and I have my free plane ticket waiting for me to cash in. Now all i gotta do is get a confirmation from the Warehouse telling me that I'm going to the show. Ahhh..Dave. The desert. My good friend Laura. The moon and then unending stars. Now that's how a concert should be!! :)

5. Hershey's miniature chocolate. What where they thinking? These things are crack. You can't just eat one. or two. or even three. You have to keep going. Sheesh. Never leave candy out on your desk. Especially when you work with a Bobbo and an Alex. Not a good combo. My desk has seen more action in the past week than the hookies in Time Square.

okay. i'm going home now.
hope you are well.

j.

8.07.2002

afternoon break

slipping away from my desk
i went to the elevators and rode down to the first floor
picking up a mountain dew on my way out
i revolved out the door and stepped into the sunshine
a warm breeze brushed against my skin
and i inhaled the mild DC afternoon

the bright blue sky a strong contrasted against the cream buildings
dotted with pure white clouds
and the beauty filled my eyes

my heart jumped and i remembered the last time i saw such an afternoon sky
almost a year ago
i stood on my balcony and watched the smoke
drifting across the sky like a dirty fingerprint smudged on clean paint
the contrast was just as strong then as it was today
just like the terror that was once held under such a peaceful sky

a plane flew through my line of sight
and a chill ran through my soul

even the simplest things have changed.

8.05.2002

This is the true story of seven strangers....
well maybe more than that. so i'm squidin' this weekend at home, just me and the dog. Nothing much to do, but when in doubt watch MindlessTV RealWorld Marathons...lots of drama and silly people being filmed doing everything under the sun. in the course of the world-a-thons, i noticed a few things:

1. over the years the cameras have covered (or uncovered) much more. they didn't used to show people peeing...now they do. sex? now we get all of the details...not just what the fuzzy night vision cameras picked up...

2. where do they find these people! as much as i would love to experience doing something like that, it's strange to know that people like that are out there. now i'm sure that i know and have met my fair share of crazy people (and thankful that i have met them) but man! some of those people should be medicated....but then again that's why they got on the show right?

3. there is always atleast one black or mixed person, but if there are multiples there is that typical sterotyped filled...there need to be more malik's and theo's on the show

4. there is always atleast one asian person...and 9 times out of 10 it's a female. where are the men??

5. one word: swifer! man do those guys ever clean???

6.every house seems to have fish that die half way through the stay...why not add in Lola from the Osbournes? now that would be interesting! :)

7. is the drama real or do they create storylines...some of that stuff is just crazy!!

8. do friends fly out and visit just to get on tv???

9. why is there always one female who is trying to make it as a singer?

10. although an actual bed compared to an RV might seem more comfortable, why do the Road Rulers always seem to have more fun? (well except for this year?)

that's all today kids!
turn off the tv and go outside and play.
just remember to check the heat index first!

i hate cable :)

j.

8.02.2002

is this vermont?
roommateJen was telling me the other day that when she was little her mom took her and her younger brother to Vermont. During the entire trip, her brother would fall asleep, wake up, look around and ask "is this vermont?"

But remember that anticipation you would get when you were a little kid? That you couldn't sit still and the road seemed endless? That's the feeling that I have right now. Not sure as to why since I am not expecting anything to happen. The boy is going up to Penn State for the weekend and the roommates? Well they are heading up to PA too, but for the Pennsic Wars. I'll have the house too myself for the next 2 weeks. Okay kids, say it with me now...squid! :)

But I'm thinking that anticipation is contagious. All the movement that has been happening around me. The Jenn and Mel have been running around the house sewing clothes that i can't pronounce or spell correctly, washing, packing, washing, getting tetnus shots because they poked themselves with needles, oh and don't forget, more washing. That poor machine! I'm actually still surprised that it's running...but then agian it is a maytag or whirlpool...i don't remember off the top of my head. But they both vacate today - Melissa is on her way to meet her boy and Jenn just called to say that she's ready to go so that she can get on the road to meet her boy. Maybe my stomach will settle down after they are gone.

So over the past week Jenn and I have been discussing music on the way home. Bass lines, lyrics and their meanings. Yeah, this is my kind of conversation. Yesterday, "wish you were here" by incubus came on the radio. It's my theme song. It describes me perfectly, but maybe not in the sense that you would normally view the song. Here's my take:

It's not about wishing that a lost love would come back. It's not about the hurt of wanting that person beside you again, screaming into the wind, I wish you were here. No, to me it's about being okay and knowing that, in my case, he will show up. That i can "dig my toes into the sand" and "lean against the wind" and be weightless. I'm okay with or without him, that "in this moment i am happy". Yet I know in the end that I will be okay...I will always be okay.

I was at VA Beach recently and walking along, two songs came to mind, WYWH and #41 by DMB. That's my other theme song but for a different (yet similar) reason. It's still about "coming into me" but after I've been through a hard loss in my past. WYWH is almost like the next logical step. About enjoying the sand, the stars, the wind...enjoying me. I've grown a lot in the past few years. I understand that it's all within the common progession of most people, but it has also made me ageless. Ageless because I have known great and passionate love. I have had great friends and met amazing people. I have been and seen and done things out of the ordinary. I have experience things and dealt with situations that some can never dream of or understand. But through everything, my world has always come back to me.

But the time comes when all of that is something that I want to share. I want to tell someone. I have my handful of very close friends that know most things about me, but there are parts that I want to share with someone who has a more vested interest in knowing. I love my friends dearly, but there are somethings that I choose to keep to myself, holding them close to my heart until the time comes to express them. If he comes and is willing to listen, then I will speak, but until then i will "lay my head onto the sand...counting ufo's."

I know what makes me happy. One of the biggest lessons that I think life teaches but doesn't always spell out is that happiness cannot be found in another person until you are happy with yourself. And even then, they can only enhance what you have already started. Look around at people and you will see what I'm talking about.

So in the meantime, here I am with two weeks alone and a dog on my hands. I've got ideas of things I want to see and do. I love my life changing course and bringing new things in. It is rolling and dipping in so many directions right now, "my hands...busy in the air." I can't help but to laugh and smile from the thrill.

Maybe this anticipation is all my own.
Something is brewing and swirling around me...

I wonder what all the fuss is about...

8.01.2002

seattleLaura
here's an example of a typical seattleLaura quote:

me: there ya go. you're all that and a bag of chips...potato or corn. whichever you prefer.
SL: fritos. definitely fritos
me: uh huh.
SL: that's going to become my new saying "definitely fritos".

blah, blah, blah - i don't remember all that was said, but we moved on to something else...

me: well you can have that with some peanut butter.
SL: oh i love peanut butter! peanut butter and fritos.
me: that's disgusting! peanut butter and fritos?!?
SL: no! i mean peanut butter sandwiches. fritos are a side dish.
me: oh. so what do you like on with your peanut butter sandwiches?
SL: bread

gotta love her!! :)

7.26.2002

blogging does the body good
It's been a while since the last time that I sat down and blogged and a lot has happened in that time frame.
A lot of good stuff. :)

As you may know, I started a new job that is basically kick ass. I'm loving the government's version of time clocks. I have to work a core number of hours, but that's not determined by a start/stop time during the week. As long as I make my hours, no questions asked. It works really well when having a social life!

Speaking of social life...it's taken on a life all it's own lately. I just had this urge to be out there in the middle of everything again. With the CL luau completed and finished, it's just great being able to run around again. It was a lot of work helping on that, but it was a lot of fun and some very, very good things came out of it! Very good things! I'm now convinced more than ever that this is what I want to do. I know that it will slowly build, but I love making sure that the bands are taken care of and knowing all the inside info. It's like being in a spin cycle actually, everything is spinning and turning and changing, but the speed of it all and getting things accomplished and done, it's exhilirating and exciting...and you know i feed off of that!

Just a few minor details that are turning into bigger and better outlooks
The job - i love it and coming into work everyday is great. amazingly enough i actually know a handful of my coworkers from my days of being a teacher. small world eh?

Baltimore is proving to be a lot more fun than the last time that I was there. My 21st birthday with my parents for a business seminar. Blah. Now it's a lot of fun. Last night I went to a place called the 13th Floor, and yes it's on the 13th floor. Saw a band called Big in Japan. Very impressed. It's a 3 member version of Lake Trout and it's basically drum and bass...only live. The bassist was amazing, but i didn't get to watch him. All of us had a table in the back of the bar and my back was to the music. Honestly I didn't know they had started to play because they didn't sound live. With D&B it's hard to know when it's a cd and live unless you are watching them. But I really liked them. I didn't get to meet them and I don't think that they had any cds available, but I'll have to look into them again.

So this is the 3rd time that i've gone up to baltimore to play. Erinn and I are developing this habit of going out and meeting these interesting people. It's cool to know that I've got a group forming in that city. It's not the safest city in the US, but it's definitely got it's high points! I can't remember the last time that I went to a pool party on the roof of a 20 story building where not only was it raining but people swam. Oh and did i mention that the guy who's birthday the party was for didn't get to eat his cake, but had it smeared all over his face...and then was thrown into the pool. I never thought that pools, cakes, dj's, concocted drinks that tasted like cider, peanut butter capt'n crunch, fights, chick fights, cops, buffy and more cereal could all mesh together into one night. Oh and I almost forgot. Add in the drunk guy crawling around in the hallway barking and banging his head on the walls with getting locked in a stairwell with Gregg and some other guy, and you've got a perfect night.

Well it could compare to the previous night actually. My official introduction to the city. Erinn and I went to a Alex and Deneel's party. I was the only non-med person there but we had a great time. Doctors don't party late so it was cleared before midnight. Didn't stop the 4 of us from hanging out on the deck shooting the breeze and talking about every topic conceivable....and I do mean every topic. Much to Deneel's wonderment, I'm still conviced that it takes two hands. :)

It was a great time so when Erinn mentioned heading up there last night, I packed my bags and hit the road. It's crazy to think that Baltimore is only 20 minutes from me...if that. I have a feeling that it will become my next stomping grounds...but we'll have to wait and see what happens tonight at IOTA :)

On the music front:
I am going to officially work with BS. I can't wait. It's funny all that I went through to get them on the Luau and then they had to leave right after. Bakari is great though. I know and understand why they had to leave, but it's really awesome to have all of them come up and thank me for getting them there. I love those guys and I really appreciate all that they do....and they inturn don't let the little things slip by them at all! B and I talked for almost 2 hours (or so it seemed) this morning about role developments and where they want the future to be heading. I'm just glad that i get to help out. This is going to be the biggest thing yet in regards to working directly with so I'm really excited about it. It's a perfect fit...and in about 7 hours, i'll be hanging out with them. Can't wait!!!

Oh what else. seattleLaura is in town right now for the Luau and Michelle and Troy wedding shower/party/bbq. I'll be attending that tomorrow so i get to hang out with most of the CL Richmond people I know. It's funny how the people I know all have their own little parts in my life. They aren't my entire life, but they all have their places. They all have their own piece to my puzzle. It's great. I'm really lovin' having these people in my life!!

Speaking of seattleLaura...herScott and baltimoreErinn seem to have something going. Very nice to see...very nice indeed! :)

Well for now i think i need to get back to work. I've got a lot of work to do on a web site (oh how i love this job!)...but i'll post more after this weekend. I've been tossing around the idea of blogging more often, but we'll have to see. I always think of blogging but getting it down is something completely different.

6.19.2002

salt over my shoulder
so i was right. someone was looking over my shoulder - and in this case, there wasn't that much of a decision that i had to make. either yes or no. i choose yes and this will start rolling on monday.

oh yeah and my dream of working with bands just took a HUGE step in the right direction. but i'll have more details on that one later.
glue defined as magic
Just one more reason why I love music.

I'm flipping through channels on the boob tube, looking for something amusing and interesting to calm me after the weekend I just had, and I come across Dashboard Confessional's UnPlugged MTV2 "special". Now I don't know anything about these guys, besides the song about "your hair is everywhere", Screaming Infidelities I think, but there is a studio full of fans who obviously know about these guys. During the first two songs, you couldn't even hear the lead singer due to the crowds singing louder than him. Basically he would just back away from the mic and play the guitar to their singing. Chill bumps.

And why does this make me love music even more? Well if you had a group of people in a room, only a handful of small groups knowing each other, but the majority of them being nameless faces sitting on risers in a semi-circle and yet they are all connected by this band's music. Yeah, that would make just about anything better to me. The connection they all hold for this band. Singing out, not caring whether they were on key or not. It doesn't really matter at that point. It's the anonymity of getting lost in a crowd of fellow singers and fans, not caring nor knowing when the camera is upon you and showing your every move for a few seconds. Should it matter? No, you are into the moment, living and breathing, raising your voice with all those people you don't know but will forever be connect to.

That's what music does for us all. It connects us. You know what I'm talking about. What's one of the best things that bonds your friends and lovers? What's one of the things that will conjur up memories and good times like no other? What puts that final touch upon that acheivement or low point in your life? What helps you relate to others the way you do? Music. It's the answer to almost any problem that this world can throw at you. Why? Because it will without fail let you know that someone else out there is going through or feeling what you are. It's better than a Hallmark card. It's lyrics and music that touch you in the way that nothing else can. The soaring riffs, the rising and falling of the lyrics as it weaves its voice between the instruments. It's pure emotion. Plain and simple. It's nothing more than strings and wood, pounding on stretch materials and hitting ivory keys attached to more strings. Yet when you put it all together it becomes that can either sooth your soul or make you want to jump into action.

I am never sort of being amazed when I am at a show. Never. Regardless of the band or the music, I'm a person in that semi-circle. Connected to people that I'll never meet, yet they share some of the best memories in my life. Take for instance DMB, Charlotte 1999. I met people at that show that will still pop into my head and make me smile. And yet, closer to the end of the show, I stopped. I stopped singing. I stopped dancing and I just looked around. There outlined and glowing against the spotlights directed at the stage was this throng of people. Growing and expanding out into the darkness outside of the amphitheater shelter. I couldn't see them, but I could hear them singing. Take the Gorge, 2000. The desert sunset. The warm breeze. The moon dressed in shades of yellow and golden orange that I have never seen before nor after. The stage. The dragonflies that buzzed above the band and crowd. Everything about that moment was magical. I can think back and hear the cheers and singing. I can think back and still feel how I felt in that moment. I remember my friends and looking at them scattered about in the rows around me, singing and grooving. It is beyond being cherished for me. It is something that I will never forget. Just a small segment in time, but it didn't matter. For those minutes it was the music that was the glue between us all.