7.07.2001

noelle gave me this a little while back and after a day spent doing massive cleaning, I came across it and decided to post it here.

you can go
and glow
and disintegrate

careless ash tossed
from a smoker's
delight

to descend where
you fade out

spark, sigh, exhale

i'm finished with you
and burnt fingertips
and stained mouths

*********************

i'm living in the living room. This morning I woke up and had that feeling of "where in the h*ll am i?"
Then I rolled over and looked at the couch and all the paintings and out over the balcony at the city beyond and realized I was in my new "bedroom".

Yeah, this is gonna be interesting (to say the least). Atleast I don't have too far to walk when I come home late at night. :)

I think I'll go sit on the balcony now. It's all of 2 feet away from the edge of my bed.

oh the possibilities...

alright boys and girls, turn off the computer now and go outside. Unplug a fire hydrin and play.

7.05.2001

almost 1 year ago (august 4-6) I was at the Gorge for the DMB show there.
Today, Matias sent me the link to www.dmband.com where I could buy a sticker...of what?
The perfect combination. DMB and a dragonfly.

It actually all started that weekend with me and dragonflies. And my fascination has grown since then. I always have a great time whenever dragonflies are involved or seen. Their "magic" is amazing and I'm now a believer. :)

So today, I bought me (and my car) another DMB sticker...but unlike the firedancer this one will go on the back window.

If you see it, honk, I'll probably wave or give you a strange look for honking in the first place.

--and for anyone that is keeping tabs, i'm still without hot water...

7.04.2001

it's now july.
it's only a few hours til the Carbon Leaf Trio show.
it's been a week since I saw my roommate.
it's a month til the first annual sheeps vs. freaks kickball game at Hartford
it's 5 months til my next birthday
it's been a long time since I've actually worked (i'm on quasi vacation right now).
it's been a while since I've been in love.

I'm still without hot water. Now that's some sh*t for ya! And they call these "luxury" apartments. Speaking of apartments. I get a new roommate tomorrow. I am moving into the living room and giving jon my room. I'm supposed to be moving, but that's hard to do when one is sitting infront of her computer being a bum.

I am supposed to also be looking for another apartment or place to live were all 3 of us can have a room. I live in a pretty big 2 bedroom apartment with my roommate. The new roommate asked if he could live with us and now he is. I am giving up my room and moving into the living room since that's were my computer is. It'll give him a bit of privacy too. Me? I'll buy chinese screens or something.

In other news...
I taped my first show last night.
The John Mayer tour is official over until it starts back up again on July 18th.
I want a new job.
I met someone who's climbed into my head and has taken up residence in my thoughts
Everything in my fridge is pretty much spoiled from the all day power-outage of yesterday.
Horse races are way too much fun!
Fireworks should be multiple explosions, not one at a time.
My legs hurt from jumping around at the Carbon Leaf show last night with Casey and Dave.
My car has hit the 106,000 mark. :)
Somebody thinks that a pint of chocolate milk is a serving for two...huh? i don't share my chocolate milk...

yep that's about it for right now...

oh and yeah, my blog is still f'ed up...

7.03.2001

i'm going to bed...i'll deal with this in the A.M.
i think i just fucked up my blog...

7.02.2001

is this new means of ftping going to work?
i am annoyed. I am irritated by life.
I am one of the biggest believers in love that you will ever meet and it annoys me when I hear of people who were meant to be together not being able to due to obligations or beliefs.

Now don't get me wrong. I think that obligations and beliefs are strong points in every relationship, but on the other hand, when they are working against you and making life difficult then it pisses me off.

Someone very close to me that I love very much is getting hurt. Why must we have obligations in the first place. Why do we have the need for certain things life? Am I so unsensative to certain aspects or so far away from them that they don't matter any more? Actually I am, and part of the reason why is due to love. I walked away from a lot in my life for somebody. And I haven't looked back. I had obligations and I could only go one way and I made up my mind. I think that I made the right decision at the time and even now. Looking back I know that the decision was mine and no one elses, but it was still forced upon me by obligations.

And now, once again, the same obligations are thrust upon someone else. I know that he loves her. I know that she loves him. I know that they make each other extremely happy. Happier than I can ever express and now they might not be together due to obligations.

I'm just a little angry right now. Not at them but at life for doing this. Why can't love be blind to so many things??? Or rather, why can't the HEART be blind to so many things???

7.01.2001

i just got off the phone with T. Had to call my girl. Haven't talked to her in a while.

i dropped jacqui off at the airport right before that. She came up for the weekend with Lee and Leonard. Those two are some crazy freaks too!!

I had a great time though. I am not used to having people come and having to show them around DC though. I am very used to going to other cities and staying with people. I was at an utter lost of what to do with them this weekend. Jacqui and I have very different tastes in music and what we think is entertaining. We had a good time though. Then again, there isn't that much that you can do in DC when you don't wake up until after noon and don't leave the house until almost 3. :)

I dropped them off at the airport almost 2 hours before their flight was scheduled to leave. There were thunderstorms in the area and with the luck that I've been having lately with airports, I wasn't trying to test it. We sat around and played Spades. I haven't played in years and it showed. I couldn't keep my mind on the game. I was playing the way that I used to play with my younger sister. We would bluff with each other and the other team. Basically whatever we said, it was the exact opposite. That way you could go in and make someone overbid and then we would take all the books. Obviously I couldn't pass that across the table to Lee. We lost...big time! That's okay though. Maybe next time....if there will be a next time. :)

Oh yeah, Lee if you read this, eye contact in the game is how I play. You can't talk across the table, but I'll let you know what I'm about to throw. I'm not that bad...but we've gotta communicate.

It was good seeing Jacqui again. I cannot believe how much I missed her crazy butt! She's one of those people that when we see each other, there isn't a lapse in time. We just fall into whatever conversation we were having the last time we saw each other. It takes us 20 minutes to catch up and then we are rolling again.

Okay...John Mayer. I cannot get enough of Room for Squares. I put away Inside Wants Out and really got into the Squares. There is something about the music on that cd that just draws me in. I have Not Myself on repeat. The bass line in this song just rolls in my head. Especially at the end where John harmonizes with himself...the "you're my saving grace, my grace, myself" part. I love it. It has been sending endless chills through me for the past couple of days. It is just an amazingly smooth song. I think that on the cd, this is best example of John and Dave vibing together. This and Wonderland.

There is goes again... :)

**ahhh**

There is just something about that line. It's more along the lines of says, "are you going to be there when I cannot hold my head up. Are you gonna be there to support me and still be the one that gets me through when I cannot do it for myself. I'll get lost, but you are the saving grace that brings me back to square one..."

hmm..square one, room for squares...could that be the connection. Then again, Room for Squares could mean something else. Room for Squares...hmmm...that makes me wonder. Squares as in ordinary, or pieces...of yourself. This cd is like reading my own thoughts. How sometimes I'll do something stupid and curse myself for speaking up in the first place. Or knowing that I'm not myself or that I'll have mood changes, but wondering how that'll effect someone else. Or how someone can amaze me to no end and be my wonderland...in more ways than one. Yep, the boy is good.

In other late breaking news. The site is up and running...www.myfictionalreality.com. Check it out when you get a chance. I'm going to change it soon. I've been working on it for so long in the format that it's in right now, that it's old. I want a fresher look with my fuzzy stuff on it. Something that's not so basic. I love basic, but now that I've seen it on the web, it seems a bit too basic. My thought is to start heading over into ASP and Flash. Gotta learn the ASP stuff and that way I can run my own "blog" instead of using Blogger. Love ya blogger, but I've gotta teach myself this stuff. :)

I'm off to finally get some sleep. At last check I don't have to go into the office in the morning so my butt is sleeping in in the morning.

I hope everyone's well and that life is treating you good and that you are making yourself happy.

wake up and smile! :)